I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
