I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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