I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
