I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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