I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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