Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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