I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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