I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
True but thats because hes a fetus.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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