Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
