I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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