I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
