My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
