I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
