whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
