Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
