Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
