I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
