he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i think i just lost a toe
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
