I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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