sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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