it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
