Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
