Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
