I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's like iHOP with fire
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
