drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
