I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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