sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
