I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
my liver is dry heaving
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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