I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
