I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
