Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
