so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
