My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
