I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
