And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
