The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
