I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
