I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They are going to name an STD after you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
