i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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