I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
