dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
