My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
