I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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