Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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