I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
