sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
