What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
