So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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