remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
