Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
