You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
