oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
