we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
