Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
