Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
