I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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